“Aakhe hai ya button, dikhai nahi deta kya?” –the first time I ever got almost close to running over someone on my kinetic (kinu), this is what I heard. This inspite of the fact that the said person was leisurely walking on the main road (cant really blame him, footpaths where pouring with vegetable/fruit vendors, dogs, a cow in front of a temple and ofcourse more than needed pedestrians). He also had completely ignored my kinu honking which was masked by the honking of several other cars, a kachara gaadi and ofcoure the hurrrrs from the watermelon bullock cart guy. I almost lost balance, kinu wheels skid and was red in the face upon hearing this.
My reaction- Aapko sunai nahi diya, yeh main road hai ke footpath, pata nahi kaha kaha se aate hai?
This wasn’t the only annoying and painful experience of riding a bike on the streets of Mumbai, there are several memories. None of which ever stopped me from dressing like a terrorist (covering my face, foreheard and head with a scarf and goggles) and heading out every single day on my bike. Remember how you in your car, bus got stuck in the traffic and I would squeeze through the gap between the footpath and main road and go about merrily on my bike. Yep kinu had its advantages. But it also meant frustrations and interactions with particular types of bikers.
Cycle heroes: These always found ways to match up to my bike speed. How? By hanging on to buses, autos or sometimes even bullock carts and not even taking the effort of pedaling. Often a reason of me unable to overtake them and always trying to avoid running over them. I always imagined the bus would come to an abrupt halt and the cycle hero to go right into the bus (tom and jerry istyle), but alas never got a chance to witness it :(
Then there were the quadruple riders: Now these always had to ride as a family of four. Chunnu, Munnu, Mummy and Papa, all on the bike. Chunnu would stand in front and almost always was of the height that his hair would fly into Papa’s nose and eyes, causing Papa to lose balance, change track unwarned and sometimes break unnecessarily. Every time I saw this category going up a flyover and me trailing, I would fear them skiing in reverse downhill and dragging me with them. Thank God that never happened, though it meant Papa to change gears multiple times trying to ensure that the bike continues going uphill at an ant pace and me watching all cars and bikes zoom past. Hmph!
How about the extreme bikers?: Now these kinds are like 3-4 bikers who ride at ultimate speed just cutting through traffic, you find them taking odd routes, ogling at girls and often with a bandana on forehead. I have seen them taking the foothpath route too, just to get past the traffic. Its annoying to watch them break all rules of traffic, while you are stuck there. The little voice in my head would always tell me to take the footpath route, break all rules but then again that needs some courage and cool bribing qualities that I completely lack.
Then there are the duo’s: These almost always ride side to side, not on a deserted road, not on a street rather in broad daylight and on the main road. Somehow they have some interesting topic going on and the two bikers have to chat with each other while riding parallel. And if you try and honk, trust me the kind of reaction you get will be –“Kya hai madam, dikhta nahi baat chalu hai?” Huh! Ok ok, how about I take another route, because I just forgot you OWN THE ROAD.
Btw I have seen these duo’s separate and I have watched the frustration, the reason was a cow sitting right in the middle of the road. What fun, aint it?
Apart from this there are dhoti pundits riding their scooter, while if not all, most of their dhoti is flying in air, giving them a batman like look. Ahem!
To add to all the chaos that already existed on the roads, the police introduced “Helmet compulsory” rule. Which meant almost all the 2-wheeler public were riding ridiculously coz they couldn’t see which car is next to them, thanks to the helmet. But that deserves a separate post coz I understood their pain. Nonetheless, 2-wheleer in Mumbai was a blessing, easiest and fastest means to reach said destination. I miss you –Kinu!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Sometimes weekends simply rock!
They gather around the Windows Mobile, three of them, buzzing like bees and start discussing the movie options, which just for record -no one agrees on even after discussing several options. So here's how it might look like for a stranger- A weekend page from my life:
Az: Hey, look look I found one, this one seems awesome, we should watch this? (then goes about again searching something else on WM)
D: What’s it about?
Ad: What do you mean what's it about? It’s about, like that one actress is like murdered by this person and we don’t know till the end who is it (rambles on about the story line, recites the climax and everything included)
D: Ok, looks like murder mystery, works, we should check out the imdb rating (D aint satisfied by the movie description of Ad, he rather start the movie and fast forward it to watch what its like to ensure its worth watching)
Az: (Everyone again buzzes around WM) Scroll, scroll, ok here here, I found it, rating looks good.Hey but look at this one, its like a romance comedy, what do you guys think? (then goes about again searching something else on WM)
D: No ways! (D apparently can’t focus on romance drama movies and will jump, scream, yell and create complete chaos and trust me you don't want that)
D: Hey how is our match going? Man last match NZ-India totally sucked.
Upon hearing this Az is all on high alert and starts searching the match scores while Az and D buzz around WM.
Fact of life, when men talk of cricket that’s it. Need I say more?
All this while I, G and Am are sitting on couch and watching, waiting for the movie decision to be made.
G: Guys, guys listen up, I can’t stand blood and brain eating type movies, find something else. You don’t want me screaming all through the movie. (Ahem, let me enlighten you all, for any movie this will happen irrespective of which kind)
Me: I am totally cool with it. (Usually blood, killing and such doesn’t get to me, with D around there aren’t any other kinds that we could watch)
Am: Does anyone want tea, coffee,icecream? (Am is the sweetest, like G says Paavaam)
Ad: The laptop speakers kinda suck, but if it works for you guys we could watch 13b? (Like that would stop us)
Am: Yeah yeah 13b is good (As usual she goes on to provide her sincere feedback, and goes on to explain how there aren't really any ugly faced ghosts in the movie)
Me: Its horror, no way, I am not watching horror (Now I am chicken when it comes to horror movies, yeah I know blood and brain eating doesn’t scare me but ghosts do, how lame is that?)
G: Who is the actor? (Most of her movie decisions revolve around songs, music and actor ofcourse!)Az and D scrolling the WM. (Totally ignoring us)
Ad: R. Madhavan!!!
G: Oh wow, R. Madhavan then I can watch that one.
Me: Hmph! This Raghavan na, why does he need to act in horrors?
G: Madhavaaan, madhavaan not Raghavan (This wasnt the only time she corrected me, through out the movie I ended up calling him Raghavan and G correcting me :))
So there we were 3 crazy couples sitting very close to the laptop with almost zero volume, trying to hear dialogues and concentrating to watch the movie. And believe me, I still was scared.
D: What the hell is this movie, so lame, I mean 3 women watching a ghost serial and they can’t figure out till the end of the movie that it’s the ghost serial which runs only in their home, how stupid?
Am: They don’t want to. They just watch the serial no, they don’t analyze it. (Now Am had a soft corner for this movie, dunno why, so all through she was trying to defend it)
D: Well they could atleast get the tv out of the apartment and check if it still works?
Am: But they don’t want to. They want to keep the tv inside the house.
Az: (Btw the argument and such, Az was the one sitting closest to the laptop and would occasionally put one ear to the speaker reciting the dialogues, in a very fast monotonous style)….Errr bhabhi ko phone karo, argue maat karo, phone karo, chalo hume udhar jaana hoga, jo serial mein dekha woh hoga (and such, trust me it was quite funny, to hear these dialogues without any expressions)
Suddenly G burst into a fit of laughter, some joke she figured in her mind and just abruptly started laughing. That was it for us. Everyone roared with laughter for no reason at all. I was very adamant on watching the movie, so after a lot of shhhsssing, folks settled only to find another reason to laugh again. This went on pretty much till late in the night.
Sometimes weekends are just worth it! I mean they obviously always are but well I guess this song puts across my point in a much better way.
Az: Hey, look look I found one, this one seems awesome, we should watch this? (then goes about again searching something else on WM)
D: What’s it about?
Ad: What do you mean what's it about? It’s about, like that one actress is like murdered by this person and we don’t know till the end who is it (rambles on about the story line, recites the climax and everything included)
D: Ok, looks like murder mystery, works, we should check out the imdb rating (D aint satisfied by the movie description of Ad, he rather start the movie and fast forward it to watch what its like to ensure its worth watching)
Az: (Everyone again buzzes around WM) Scroll, scroll, ok here here, I found it, rating looks good.Hey but look at this one, its like a romance comedy, what do you guys think? (then goes about again searching something else on WM)
D: No ways! (D apparently can’t focus on romance drama movies and will jump, scream, yell and create complete chaos and trust me you don't want that)
D: Hey how is our match going? Man last match NZ-India totally sucked.
Upon hearing this Az is all on high alert and starts searching the match scores while Az and D buzz around WM.
Fact of life, when men talk of cricket that’s it. Need I say more?
All this while I, G and Am are sitting on couch and watching, waiting for the movie decision to be made.
G: Guys, guys listen up, I can’t stand blood and brain eating type movies, find something else. You don’t want me screaming all through the movie. (Ahem, let me enlighten you all, for any movie this will happen irrespective of which kind)
Me: I am totally cool with it. (Usually blood, killing and such doesn’t get to me, with D around there aren’t any other kinds that we could watch)
Am: Does anyone want tea, coffee,icecream? (Am is the sweetest, like G says Paavaam)
Ad: The laptop speakers kinda suck, but if it works for you guys we could watch 13b? (Like that would stop us)
Am: Yeah yeah 13b is good (As usual she goes on to provide her sincere feedback, and goes on to explain how there aren't really any ugly faced ghosts in the movie)
Me: Its horror, no way, I am not watching horror (Now I am chicken when it comes to horror movies, yeah I know blood and brain eating doesn’t scare me but ghosts do, how lame is that?)
G: Who is the actor? (Most of her movie decisions revolve around songs, music and actor ofcourse!)Az and D scrolling the WM. (Totally ignoring us)
Ad: R. Madhavan!!!
G: Oh wow, R. Madhavan then I can watch that one.
Me: Hmph! This Raghavan na, why does he need to act in horrors?
G: Madhavaaan, madhavaan not Raghavan (This wasnt the only time she corrected me, through out the movie I ended up calling him Raghavan and G correcting me :))
So there we were 3 crazy couples sitting very close to the laptop with almost zero volume, trying to hear dialogues and concentrating to watch the movie. And believe me, I still was scared.
D: What the hell is this movie, so lame, I mean 3 women watching a ghost serial and they can’t figure out till the end of the movie that it’s the ghost serial which runs only in their home, how stupid?
Am: They don’t want to. They just watch the serial no, they don’t analyze it. (Now Am had a soft corner for this movie, dunno why, so all through she was trying to defend it)
D: Well they could atleast get the tv out of the apartment and check if it still works?
Am: But they don’t want to. They want to keep the tv inside the house.
Az: (Btw the argument and such, Az was the one sitting closest to the laptop and would occasionally put one ear to the speaker reciting the dialogues, in a very fast monotonous style)….Errr bhabhi ko phone karo, argue maat karo, phone karo, chalo hume udhar jaana hoga, jo serial mein dekha woh hoga (and such, trust me it was quite funny, to hear these dialogues without any expressions)
Suddenly G burst into a fit of laughter, some joke she figured in her mind and just abruptly started laughing. That was it for us. Everyone roared with laughter for no reason at all. I was very adamant on watching the movie, so after a lot of shhhsssing, folks settled only to find another reason to laugh again. This went on pretty much till late in the night.
Sometimes weekends are just worth it! I mean they obviously always are but well I guess this song puts across my point in a much better way.
|
Friday, April 3, 2009
Just like that an hour passed by!
Waiting at a bus stop:
I wait and the red BEST bus just zooms past. I watch the bus wheels blow up dust in air and the entire bus rocks through a ditch in the road. I observe 12 different faces, hands , legs, chappals, shoes, college bags, hair styles (oily, colored, bald head) just dangling at the door of the bus. Two people, one of them almost holding on to a back seat window and the other at the rod on the entry, giggling and cheerfully chatting while hanging (most of the body) in midair. I heave as I look at the passing bus, hoping the next one arrives in time and praying it’s less crowded. A little girl walks up to me with a bunch of bright yellow flowers, some petals of the flowers are faded to brownish yellow due to dust settling on them as the bus zoomed past. She asks, almost requests, then commands and nags me to buy them. While she pursues me to buy the flowers, she continues to flash her radiant smile at me. Salesmanship at its best. I realize I can’t break her heart so I buy one bright yellow flower and put it in my purse. My purse, hanging from my shoulder has a flower head poking out. She runs to her next customer while I wait for the bus. I watch a vegetable vendor walk by, calling out “Bhendi ghya, Vangi gya, taaji taaji bhaji ghya” (Buy Ladyfinger, Eggplant, buy fresh veggies). A kid runs from the building opposite the bus stop. He is running after a cricket ball that’s been hit by his friend hard enough to reach the main road. He athletically dodges the cars, rickshaws and scooters. One of our neighbors walks in my direction, the same one I waved bye as I headed to the office. She stops and chats of how crowded the buses and streets are, how her son seems to be constantly arguing these days (teenager ofcourse), how load shedding is just not fair, how the other neighbor next door fired Kamla bai (the maid) and how her next parlor appointment is due. Suddenly realizing she is running late to get to wherever she had to get to (which might be nowhere), she hurriedly leaves. I hear a kind of gunshot or maybe a fire work or is it a siren of a mill? And suddenly flock of pigeons fly in sky. Even between all the noise of cars, chattering, honks, shop keepers, kids screaming, crying, playing I hear the sound of their wings and look up. The blue sky background makes it a perfect picture which I take a moment to admire and then I look at my watch. Just like that an hour passed by.
Waiting at a red light:
Booksellers, flower sellers, balloon sellers, fruit sellers, all of them run to my car, one after another, each one has his/her sales strategy and persistence. There are those who approach with a cloth to clean the windshield, I nod to them, a serious no. Someone starts honking, everyone joins in. In the car on my right someone is playing a blaring latest Punjabi hit song, on my left in another car someone playing a blaring hip hop English one. I try to turn up the radio volume. The light turns green yet no one moves, 2 cars are stuck in the lane change kinda fight (you first or me first). The book, flower, balloon, fruit sellers gather around the cars, people start getting out of the cars and walking to watch what’s happening. There are those who are cracking jokes, those who are giving unwanted, unasked advice, those who are merely watching to kill time and those who are utterly annoyed. Some street dog tries to cross the road and someone from a Double Decker BEST bus throws left over bread at him. The dog stops to eat, no one passing by minds it. I hear a cop blow a whistle somewhere. I look at my watch and just like that an hour passed by.
Waiting at a clinic:
Me: Hello is Dr Desai in?
Front Desk+Nurse+Lab person (Same person playing multiple roles, let’s call him FDR): Chattering away on phone, totally ignoring me.
Me: Hello, Mr….Mr….sun rahe hai? Dr Desai is here or what?
FDR: Looks around as if some housefly buzzed by, picks up a file and just walks away.
Me: Well, I’ll just wait here (Sit next in line, after around 15 patients, all of whom are in pain and making weird sounds)
FDR (calling out loud): Yashodabai, Kon hai Yashodabai? Next, hai, Yashodabai.
Me: Looking around, someone runs to FDR, some man, so certainly not Yashodabai
FDR: Nahi nahi, aap nahi ja sakte (no no, you can't go first), Yashodabai is first, even if she left we have to wait for another 5 mins.
Me: (walks to the FDR) Hello I have an appointment with Dr Desai, can I go meet him now, its almost 10 mins past my appointment?
FDR: (Chewing on his mawa or pan) Kya chahiye, sab ka appointment hai, line mein baitho (What do you want? Everyone has an appointment, go sit in the waiting queue)
Me: I just want to submit these reports to him, can I leave the files and papers with someone?
FDR: Hmmmm, you can but no guarantee ok? That nurse (points at a nurse who is busy chatting with other 3 nurses) works with Dr Desai, lekin aadha time idhar udhar gossip she does (but half the time she gossips here and there) You can leave the file with her but if she gives it to someone, its gone. I can help you but I am so busy you see. I haven’t even had a cup of tea since morning.
Me: (Yeah right, you are extremely busy, I see that) I really need to get to work, and I have to get these papers to Dr Desai today. Can you help me, please?
FDR: Arey madem, please kaay? Ek cup chaha dya ki zhala. (Why you saying please madam, just give me a cup of tea and consider your work done)
Me: (Oh! Why didn’t I think of this earlier) Ok lets go to the canteen, I’ll buy you a cup of tea and batata vada too.
FDR: (Smiling happily) Ho chala…ek min…(Yeah works for me)....calls out Yashodabai….Yashodabai…(an old lady arrives)…bai kuthe hota tumhi? (Where were you?) Then FDR helps her go see the doctor and comes back in a blink.
FDR: Chala madam (Lets go)
Me: As I walk with him to the canteen, he nods and chats with several nurses, doctors, regular patients. This dude knows a lot of people I guess, quite resourceful. I buy him a cup of tea (cutting chai) and he completely refuses the batata vada. He then walks out of the room and calls someone by the name Hari.
FDR: Hari yeh baas (Hari, come sit down)
An old man in his 70’s slowly walks in the canteen and sits down, broom in one hand. FDR demands another empty glass from the waiter and pours half of tea from his cup in it. He then hands this cup to Hari. Hari smiles, his wrinkly face shining at the site of tea, wipes his sweat and thirstily sips the tea. FDR puts forth his hand for my file. I hand him the file and look at my watch and just like that an hour passed by.
I wait and the red BEST bus just zooms past. I watch the bus wheels blow up dust in air and the entire bus rocks through a ditch in the road. I observe 12 different faces, hands , legs, chappals, shoes, college bags, hair styles (oily, colored, bald head) just dangling at the door of the bus. Two people, one of them almost holding on to a back seat window and the other at the rod on the entry, giggling and cheerfully chatting while hanging (most of the body) in midair. I heave as I look at the passing bus, hoping the next one arrives in time and praying it’s less crowded. A little girl walks up to me with a bunch of bright yellow flowers, some petals of the flowers are faded to brownish yellow due to dust settling on them as the bus zoomed past. She asks, almost requests, then commands and nags me to buy them. While she pursues me to buy the flowers, she continues to flash her radiant smile at me. Salesmanship at its best. I realize I can’t break her heart so I buy one bright yellow flower and put it in my purse. My purse, hanging from my shoulder has a flower head poking out. She runs to her next customer while I wait for the bus. I watch a vegetable vendor walk by, calling out “Bhendi ghya, Vangi gya, taaji taaji bhaji ghya” (Buy Ladyfinger, Eggplant, buy fresh veggies). A kid runs from the building opposite the bus stop. He is running after a cricket ball that’s been hit by his friend hard enough to reach the main road. He athletically dodges the cars, rickshaws and scooters. One of our neighbors walks in my direction, the same one I waved bye as I headed to the office. She stops and chats of how crowded the buses and streets are, how her son seems to be constantly arguing these days (teenager ofcourse), how load shedding is just not fair, how the other neighbor next door fired Kamla bai (the maid) and how her next parlor appointment is due. Suddenly realizing she is running late to get to wherever she had to get to (which might be nowhere), she hurriedly leaves. I hear a kind of gunshot or maybe a fire work or is it a siren of a mill? And suddenly flock of pigeons fly in sky. Even between all the noise of cars, chattering, honks, shop keepers, kids screaming, crying, playing I hear the sound of their wings and look up. The blue sky background makes it a perfect picture which I take a moment to admire and then I look at my watch. Just like that an hour passed by.
Waiting at a red light:
Booksellers, flower sellers, balloon sellers, fruit sellers, all of them run to my car, one after another, each one has his/her sales strategy and persistence. There are those who approach with a cloth to clean the windshield, I nod to them, a serious no. Someone starts honking, everyone joins in. In the car on my right someone is playing a blaring latest Punjabi hit song, on my left in another car someone playing a blaring hip hop English one. I try to turn up the radio volume. The light turns green yet no one moves, 2 cars are stuck in the lane change kinda fight (you first or me first). The book, flower, balloon, fruit sellers gather around the cars, people start getting out of the cars and walking to watch what’s happening. There are those who are cracking jokes, those who are giving unwanted, unasked advice, those who are merely watching to kill time and those who are utterly annoyed. Some street dog tries to cross the road and someone from a Double Decker BEST bus throws left over bread at him. The dog stops to eat, no one passing by minds it. I hear a cop blow a whistle somewhere. I look at my watch and just like that an hour passed by.
Waiting at a clinic:
Me: Hello is Dr Desai in?
Front Desk+Nurse+Lab person (Same person playing multiple roles, let’s call him FDR): Chattering away on phone, totally ignoring me.
Me: Hello, Mr….Mr….sun rahe hai? Dr Desai is here or what?
FDR: Looks around as if some housefly buzzed by, picks up a file and just walks away.
Me: Well, I’ll just wait here (Sit next in line, after around 15 patients, all of whom are in pain and making weird sounds)
FDR (calling out loud): Yashodabai, Kon hai Yashodabai? Next, hai, Yashodabai.
Me: Looking around, someone runs to FDR, some man, so certainly not Yashodabai
FDR: Nahi nahi, aap nahi ja sakte (no no, you can't go first), Yashodabai is first, even if she left we have to wait for another 5 mins.
Me: (walks to the FDR) Hello I have an appointment with Dr Desai, can I go meet him now, its almost 10 mins past my appointment?
FDR: (Chewing on his mawa or pan) Kya chahiye, sab ka appointment hai, line mein baitho (What do you want? Everyone has an appointment, go sit in the waiting queue)
Me: I just want to submit these reports to him, can I leave the files and papers with someone?
FDR: Hmmmm, you can but no guarantee ok? That nurse (points at a nurse who is busy chatting with other 3 nurses) works with Dr Desai, lekin aadha time idhar udhar gossip she does (but half the time she gossips here and there) You can leave the file with her but if she gives it to someone, its gone. I can help you but I am so busy you see. I haven’t even had a cup of tea since morning.
Me: (Yeah right, you are extremely busy, I see that) I really need to get to work, and I have to get these papers to Dr Desai today. Can you help me, please?
FDR: Arey madem, please kaay? Ek cup chaha dya ki zhala. (Why you saying please madam, just give me a cup of tea and consider your work done)
Me: (Oh! Why didn’t I think of this earlier) Ok lets go to the canteen, I’ll buy you a cup of tea and batata vada too.
FDR: (Smiling happily) Ho chala…ek min…(Yeah works for me)....calls out Yashodabai….Yashodabai…(an old lady arrives)…bai kuthe hota tumhi? (Where were you?) Then FDR helps her go see the doctor and comes back in a blink.
FDR: Chala madam (Lets go)
Me: As I walk with him to the canteen, he nods and chats with several nurses, doctors, regular patients. This dude knows a lot of people I guess, quite resourceful. I buy him a cup of tea (cutting chai) and he completely refuses the batata vada. He then walks out of the room and calls someone by the name Hari.
FDR: Hari yeh baas (Hari, come sit down)
An old man in his 70’s slowly walks in the canteen and sits down, broom in one hand. FDR demands another empty glass from the waiter and pours half of tea from his cup in it. He then hands this cup to Hari. Hari smiles, his wrinkly face shining at the site of tea, wipes his sweat and thirstily sips the tea. FDR puts forth his hand for my file. I hand him the file and look at my watch and just like that an hour passed by.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Chat with GGadre on a Friday afternoon
I know the “Waiting” post is pending and I will get to it but before that just a while ago I and GGadre shared some conversation on chat and I just had to post it here. Why you ask? Coz one its hilarious and two remember you signed up for some nonsensical rant which might appear here from time to time. So here’s our mindless chat on a Friday afternoon:
Me: Jagjit Singh ka concert hai in seattle. Dekha kya?
GGadre: maaro usko pakadke (now let me tell you, GGadre is quite passionate about music and some of the following chat may not be advised to age group under 18)
Me: why re? hhehehe
GGadre: dhakka de do stage se (Yep she gets too expressive about such topics, don’t blame her :))
Me: whyeeeeee?
GGadre: goli se uda do saale ko (Yeah, this is almost off limits, but btw me and her its just our usual rant strategy, express till the other person gets the point and stops asking whyyyyyyy)
Me: whyyyyyyyyyy?
GGadre: just for the heck of it, dimaaagh mein baiththa hain @@#@!#!
Me: hehehe like Anoop Jalota (now this is part where we come together, combine our stress and lash it out on few select individuals, some days its artists, musicians, neighbors and today unfortunately its gazal singers, no offense really, its just the mood of the day)
GGadre: hahahahhahaahahah
Me: or was he (as usual I am quite unsure of who we are going to lash)
GGadre: Anoop jalota, "aisi laagi lagan"
Me: chandi jaisa rang hai tera -woh kon tha be? Hehehe (like I said, I am still evaluating our stress buster individual)
GGadre: "meera ho gayi magan"
Me: yeah yeah hahahah
GGadre: abbe woh Pankaj Udhas hain (Now when it comes to music and musicians, GGadre knows what she’s talking, quite unlike me)
Me: Oh!
GGadre: udhas gaaata rehta hain…bore !@!#@#
Me:Pankaj… woh bhi kaisa udas hai
GGadre: dimaagh mein dance karta hain woh bhangda
Me: Wht was tht his song? Gosh!
GGadre: ...Namak isq ka (Yeah, we usually digress to different topics, music and singers, which have no relation whatsoever to the person/people in question)
Me: btw Jagjit Singh is more abt pina and pilana. All songs are like- mujhe hosh mein nahi aana type. Very good for politicians.
GGadre: politiciaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnns
hahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhaha...uda do unko
Me: Pankaj Udas alomst has 1 pg dedicated on wiki. God!
And now I know his bro is Manhar Udas
It seems his older brother Manhar Udhas achieved some success as a Hindi playback singer in Bollywood movies.
Which song he sang man? i dont know a single one
oh i got his famous song PU's. Its -chitthi aayi hai aayi hai chitti aayi hai
hahaahaha
GGadre: nooooooooooooooooooo that is pankaj udhaas, aunteshwari (Sometimes its important to include the abbreviations along with the full name)
Me: yeah in wiki
GGadre: you dont knwo anything (Me expression: Hmph!)
Me: yeah yeah PU. i dunno MUs song. Btw PU has received Padma Shri?
GGadre: nice
Me: hahahaha. I want one too. Yeah kya hai. Next who some cricketer is getting one right?
Ganga: shoot tem all blooody man! (Woah! I know, like I indicated not appropriate for 18yr and less)
And with this we digressed in to the realms of other singers and singing competition and such. For the fans of PU, this isn’t really any stance, just a way of lashing out our stress :) ,next time it may be Amitabh Bachaan he he..
Btw, have a g8 weekend!
Me: Jagjit Singh ka concert hai in seattle. Dekha kya?
GGadre: maaro usko pakadke (now let me tell you, GGadre is quite passionate about music and some of the following chat may not be advised to age group under 18)
Me: why re? hhehehe
GGadre: dhakka de do stage se (Yep she gets too expressive about such topics, don’t blame her :))
Me: whyeeeeee?
GGadre: goli se uda do saale ko (Yeah, this is almost off limits, but btw me and her its just our usual rant strategy, express till the other person gets the point and stops asking whyyyyyyy)
Me: whyyyyyyyyyy?
GGadre: just for the heck of it, dimaaagh mein baiththa hain @@#@!#!
Me: hehehe like Anoop Jalota (now this is part where we come together, combine our stress and lash it out on few select individuals, some days its artists, musicians, neighbors and today unfortunately its gazal singers, no offense really, its just the mood of the day)
GGadre: hahahahhahaahahah
Me: or was he (as usual I am quite unsure of who we are going to lash)
GGadre: Anoop jalota, "aisi laagi lagan"
Me: chandi jaisa rang hai tera -woh kon tha be? Hehehe (like I said, I am still evaluating our stress buster individual)
GGadre: "meera ho gayi magan"
Me: yeah yeah hahahah
GGadre: abbe woh Pankaj Udhas hain (Now when it comes to music and musicians, GGadre knows what she’s talking, quite unlike me)
Me: Oh!
GGadre: udhas gaaata rehta hain…bore !@!#@#
Me:Pankaj… woh bhi kaisa udas hai
GGadre: dimaagh mein dance karta hain woh bhangda
Me: Wht was tht his song? Gosh!
GGadre: ...Namak isq ka (Yeah, we usually digress to different topics, music and singers, which have no relation whatsoever to the person/people in question)
Me: btw Jagjit Singh is more abt pina and pilana. All songs are like- mujhe hosh mein nahi aana type. Very good for politicians.
GGadre: politiciaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnns
hahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhaha...uda do unko
Me: Pankaj Udas alomst has 1 pg dedicated on wiki. God!
And now I know his bro is Manhar Udas
It seems his older brother Manhar Udhas achieved some success as a Hindi playback singer in Bollywood movies.
Which song he sang man? i dont know a single one
oh i got his famous song PU's. Its -chitthi aayi hai aayi hai chitti aayi hai
hahaahaha
GGadre: nooooooooooooooooooo that is pankaj udhaas, aunteshwari (Sometimes its important to include the abbreviations along with the full name)
Me: yeah in wiki
GGadre: you dont knwo anything (Me expression: Hmph!)
Me: yeah yeah PU. i dunno MUs song. Btw PU has received Padma Shri?
GGadre: nice
Me: hahahaha. I want one too. Yeah kya hai. Next who some cricketer is getting one right?
Ganga: shoot tem all blooody man! (Woah! I know, like I indicated not appropriate for 18yr and less)
And with this we digressed in to the realms of other singers and singing competition and such. For the fans of PU, this isn’t really any stance, just a way of lashing out our stress :) ,next time it may be Amitabh Bachaan he he..
Btw, have a g8 weekend!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Waiting!
Scene 1: Waiting for response
Me asking: Are you waiting to get coffee?
Person responds: Well no, hmmm maybe I should. What do you think? Or wait, maybe high caffeine soft drink. OMG so many choices. I think I should get the orange one, but the blue one looks so good, look look there is a ginger one. Oh damm! I’ll just go for the coffee.
Scene 2: Waiting for parking
Reverse lights of car flickering, looks like I have a parking spot
Reverse light flickering…..flickering……flickering…car in reverse mode now….reverse…reverse..stop….again ahead. (Me:yawns, go away already) Car again in reverse….reverse…reverse (Me: looking in rear view mirror, annoyed face, 2 oh no 3 cars behind. Get out you!) Car stop…ahead…ahead..stop. Person gets out and leaves.
Me expression: Hmph!
Scene 3: Waiting-room in a clinic
Me: looking around, blaberring to self: just need a refill, refill, a refill la la la la. Someone sneezes…loudly (Me: whos it, whos it, such a loud sneeze, ewww no handkerchief,ewwww). Old lady sitting next to me smiles, pregnant women sitting opposite, moving hand on her tummy and seems to be chatting, front desk person gets up. (Me: call me, call me, me me me me). Front desk person sits down without calling anyone. Someone snores( Me: whos it,whos it, whos snoring, last chair, person dozing, yawns) Front desk person gets up and sits again. (Me: mumbling whats with this sit ups, go to the restroom if u want to)Pregnant women looking around panicked (Me: O man, not good, not good, someone help her, is she ok?) Front desk person gets up, looks at pregnant women, sits down. (Me looking at watch: 1 and half hr gone, phewwww)
Me asking front desk: hello, what about my refill?
Front desk person: Oh you just need a refill prescription?
Me: Yeah that’s what I said like an hr earlier and that’s what I wrote on that paper
FDP: Oh sorry about that, I don’t read those, just hand them to the doc
Me: So what abt the refill?
FDP: Hold on, I’ll just get it
Me thinking of some song: boomro boomro sham rang boomro. Man sneezes loudly again, pregnant women panicks. Me: Boomro boomro sham rang boomro
FDP returns with refill prescription
Post coming up: Contrast this with waiting in queues in India :)
Me asking: Are you waiting to get coffee?
Person responds: Well no, hmmm maybe I should. What do you think? Or wait, maybe high caffeine soft drink. OMG so many choices. I think I should get the orange one, but the blue one looks so good, look look there is a ginger one. Oh damm! I’ll just go for the coffee.
Scene 2: Waiting for parking
Reverse lights of car flickering, looks like I have a parking spot
Reverse light flickering…..flickering……flickering…car in reverse mode now….reverse…reverse..stop….again ahead. (Me:yawns, go away already) Car again in reverse….reverse…reverse (Me: looking in rear view mirror, annoyed face, 2 oh no 3 cars behind. Get out you!) Car stop…ahead…ahead..stop. Person gets out and leaves.
Me expression: Hmph!
Scene 3: Waiting-room in a clinic
Me: looking around, blaberring to self: just need a refill, refill, a refill la la la la. Someone sneezes…loudly (Me: whos it, whos it, such a loud sneeze, ewww no handkerchief,ewwww). Old lady sitting next to me smiles, pregnant women sitting opposite, moving hand on her tummy and seems to be chatting, front desk person gets up. (Me: call me, call me, me me me me). Front desk person sits down without calling anyone. Someone snores( Me: whos it,whos it, whos snoring, last chair, person dozing, yawns) Front desk person gets up and sits again. (Me: mumbling whats with this sit ups, go to the restroom if u want to)Pregnant women looking around panicked (Me: O man, not good, not good, someone help her, is she ok?) Front desk person gets up, looks at pregnant women, sits down. (Me looking at watch: 1 and half hr gone, phewwww)
Me asking front desk: hello, what about my refill?
Front desk person: Oh you just need a refill prescription?
Me: Yeah that’s what I said like an hr earlier and that’s what I wrote on that paper
FDP: Oh sorry about that, I don’t read those, just hand them to the doc
Me: So what abt the refill?
FDP: Hold on, I’ll just get it
Me thinking of some song: boomro boomro sham rang boomro. Man sneezes loudly again, pregnant women panicks. Me: Boomro boomro sham rang boomro
FDP returns with refill prescription
Post coming up: Contrast this with waiting in queues in India :)
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Chronicles of Ma
It looks like my blog is missing some humour, I scrolled through few earlier posts and the mood around here is growing serious. After talking of Mumbai I tried to think of something hilarious that happened during this week and then remembered SecondSight’s pretty please. So Chronicles of Ma it is, nothing more is ever funnier than discussion between Ma and me. So yday I called Ma, the usual daily call, the usual random talks of increase in the price of veggies, growing pollution, hopeless maids, growing population of cockroaches, steaming hot tea and such. But the highlight was ayurvedic and homeopathic medicines.
Ma: So you saw na that Pushkar Churan, good it is. Everyday eat one spoon full. Spoon must be full. And don’t complain. These young girls, will always argue, never listen.
Me: Ma, Ma, Maaaaa listen no, what you keep talking. Yeah I saw that, one in the red box na?
Ma: Red box, what red box, you must have put it away. You don’t even remember the name, its Pushkar churan. Pooo…shaaaa…kaar
Me (trying to not giggle): Yeah yeah correct, I have it here; no I didn’t put it away. Who makes this stuff? It’s like some company I don’t know and there is no expiry on this.
Ma: Expiry, you want expiry. It’s Ayurvedic, it’s like Haldi, nothing happens to it. You can keep it as long and there is no need to keep it as long if you take it every day. Now girl listen to me, you are going to take one spoon full everyday ok? No arguments
Me: OK Ma, I will. How are things going in India? Ma economy is so bad here; things just seem to be falling apart.
Ma: That is why you must pray daily. Do you recite Ramraksha strotra, Lakshmi stotra, Ganpati stotra, Hanuman stotra, Kuldevi stotra, Gajanan Maharaj stotra daily?
Me: What Ma, I only have an hour in a morning to get ready and go to work and I don’t think there is enough time to recite them.
Ma: Always argue, always. Ganpati is God of knowledge, don’t you need intelligene, buddi and wit to do your work, Ramraksha will protect you from all evil, Lakshmi is for salary, then don’t complain salary cut and this and that and Hanuman, well that’s for strength and also for protecting in addition to Ramraksha and Gajanan Maharaj is for a guru, every person should have a guru. And never forget Kuldevi, always pray to her. And then you complain economy and all. Every day you should pray, do namasmaran. Do you forget to watch all those serials and eat and breathe?
Me: Ma breathing is a natural process, how would I forget it, I don’t even do it consciously. And to survive one has to eat and serials Ma, that’s my lifeline, I can’t give up on those. You don’t know how Big Bang Theory works on stress.
Ma: Big Bang cheeee, what a name. At least some Indianized serials with culture and tradition you watch. Big Bang? What is that? Must be something weird. This young generation God help them. And about economy and job cuts they will go on and on. We have seen so many rainy days, all storm and rainy. And no luxuries like you all. We never complained and now this generation acts as if world is going to end only. Just thinking of tomorrow always, running running, no stopping, no standing and breathing. Then they want all success and money and everything and all that fast. And you remember that aunty (some aunts name I didn’t even remember), her dad’s cousins-sisters-son. He had lost a limb, but didn’t give up, didn’t have a big car or big house or anything but he lived for good 80 yrs and lived a happy life, even without one limb. And you young people will cry and complain, bad economy bad economy. And what about day after tomorrow, that’s going to come and you are still stuck on tomorrow and worries of tomorrow. Rama Rama!
Me (overwhelmed by the lecture and yet trying to gain ground): Ma Big Ban is a comedy. Anywho, now got to go to bed ok. Will call you tomorrow.
Ma:Ok ok, I also have lots of work now, full time talking to you and wasting time, you eat that Pushkar Churna and recite some stotras, timepass you do. Now before going to bed recite. And don’t read book in dim light, and wake up early- early to bed, early to rise. And think of good things. This maid everything wrong she does, they need to be always spoon fed. I have to only do everything.
Me: Ma , Maaaaaaaaa ok ok ok ok. Maid, new one? (Phone cuts) Wasn’t I still talking?
As I kept the phone I realized how simply she could make my worries seem stupid. There are always bigger problems out there but somehow its always the perception that matters. In this big world, all problems frankly are just tiny, its every individual who looks at them through a magnifier.
Ma: So you saw na that Pushkar Churan, good it is. Everyday eat one spoon full. Spoon must be full. And don’t complain. These young girls, will always argue, never listen.
Me: Ma, Ma, Maaaaa listen no, what you keep talking. Yeah I saw that, one in the red box na?
Ma: Red box, what red box, you must have put it away. You don’t even remember the name, its Pushkar churan. Pooo…shaaaa…kaar
Me (trying to not giggle): Yeah yeah correct, I have it here; no I didn’t put it away. Who makes this stuff? It’s like some company I don’t know and there is no expiry on this.
Ma: Expiry, you want expiry. It’s Ayurvedic, it’s like Haldi, nothing happens to it. You can keep it as long and there is no need to keep it as long if you take it every day. Now girl listen to me, you are going to take one spoon full everyday ok? No arguments
Me: OK Ma, I will. How are things going in India? Ma economy is so bad here; things just seem to be falling apart.
Ma: That is why you must pray daily. Do you recite Ramraksha strotra, Lakshmi stotra, Ganpati stotra, Hanuman stotra, Kuldevi stotra, Gajanan Maharaj stotra daily?
Me: What Ma, I only have an hour in a morning to get ready and go to work and I don’t think there is enough time to recite them.
Ma: Always argue, always. Ganpati is God of knowledge, don’t you need intelligene, buddi and wit to do your work, Ramraksha will protect you from all evil, Lakshmi is for salary, then don’t complain salary cut and this and that and Hanuman, well that’s for strength and also for protecting in addition to Ramraksha and Gajanan Maharaj is for a guru, every person should have a guru. And never forget Kuldevi, always pray to her. And then you complain economy and all. Every day you should pray, do namasmaran. Do you forget to watch all those serials and eat and breathe?
Me: Ma breathing is a natural process, how would I forget it, I don’t even do it consciously. And to survive one has to eat and serials Ma, that’s my lifeline, I can’t give up on those. You don’t know how Big Bang Theory works on stress.
Ma: Big Bang cheeee, what a name. At least some Indianized serials with culture and tradition you watch. Big Bang? What is that? Must be something weird. This young generation God help them. And about economy and job cuts they will go on and on. We have seen so many rainy days, all storm and rainy. And no luxuries like you all. We never complained and now this generation acts as if world is going to end only. Just thinking of tomorrow always, running running, no stopping, no standing and breathing. Then they want all success and money and everything and all that fast. And you remember that aunty (some aunts name I didn’t even remember), her dad’s cousins-sisters-son. He had lost a limb, but didn’t give up, didn’t have a big car or big house or anything but he lived for good 80 yrs and lived a happy life, even without one limb. And you young people will cry and complain, bad economy bad economy. And what about day after tomorrow, that’s going to come and you are still stuck on tomorrow and worries of tomorrow. Rama Rama!
Me (overwhelmed by the lecture and yet trying to gain ground): Ma Big Ban is a comedy. Anywho, now got to go to bed ok. Will call you tomorrow.
Ma:Ok ok, I also have lots of work now, full time talking to you and wasting time, you eat that Pushkar Churna and recite some stotras, timepass you do. Now before going to bed recite. And don’t read book in dim light, and wake up early- early to bed, early to rise. And think of good things. This maid everything wrong she does, they need to be always spoon fed. I have to only do everything.
Me: Ma , Maaaaaaaaa ok ok ok ok. Maid, new one? (Phone cuts) Wasn’t I still talking?
As I kept the phone I realized how simply she could make my worries seem stupid. There are always bigger problems out there but somehow its always the perception that matters. In this big world, all problems frankly are just tiny, its every individual who looks at them through a magnifier.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Mumbai meri jaan!
Has it ever happened to you that you bought a book and after reading a few pages (as few as first 2) fell in love with it? As if the book gripped you and wouldn’t let go, as if you knew this was something you were looking to read in a while, but couldn’t find anywhere. I brought Shantaram recently and that's what it feels like. I prefer not to directly pull text from a book but rather interpret it in my own words, in turn sharing what I feel about it. But the text in this book is so precise, so much on spot that I wouldn’t find better words. I was born in Bombay (later named Mumbai). Every person has a different perception of the city- Bombay. There will be those who find it arrogant, those who find it magical, those who find it loathed with greed and some others who find it a city of dreams. For someone who is born in this city, I would say it’s a bit of all. Does this city have a soul of its own you ask? Yes, it’s a soul of 13,662,885 people combined. It’s the soul of a little girl who waits by the side of the road for light to turn red, when it does she runs to your cab and knocks on the window, shining her marvelous smile and puts on a grave act and yet it’s the soul of the same girl who runs back to a bunch of kids on the footpath when the light turns green, laughing, playing and simply happy- that sheer happiness which you keep looking at from the back window of the cab, till only a speck remains. It’s the soul of the hawker you haggle with whenever you purchase the veggies and it’s the soul of the same hawker who ensures to greet you everyday, even when you are in a hurry to get to work and don't notice. It’s the soul of those hands that hold you to get in the train compartment which has no space even for one foot to step in, protect you from a fall and it’s the same soul of the hands that push you ruthlessly when you reach the desired station to get out. It’s the soul of little kids who hold their grandparents hands and walk to school and it’s the soul of young teenagers, people in 20s-30s-40s who walk their parents, grandparents to the park in the evening. It’s the soul of the "chakki wala" who is bathed in white grinding all the grains to flour who smiles at you when go to get the "atta" (flour), showing his teeth which merge with the color of his skin, eyes, eyebrows, hair, eyelashes-all white and it’s the soul of the maid who realizes you are late to school/work and packs your lunch,puts it in your purse. Its the soul of Diwali, Ganpati, Eid, Holi,Chritmas,Navratri,Gudi Padwa,MakarSankranti,Pongal and its the soul of Shraddh (ceremony after death), Shanti.
You can either lose yourself or find yourself in Mumbai. You will be cheated, robbed, betrayed and yet loved, protected, cherished here. You will hate it for the crowd that crushes, pushes and squishes you everyday and yet love it for the hellos, nods and smiles you'll receive everyday. The stranger in you will disappear, the ambition in you will rise, the energy in you will push you to the extreme and the joy in you will survive. So friends today I post text straight from Shantaram, this one is for Mumbai- Mumbai meri jaan.
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"The first thing I noticed about Bombay, on the first day, was the smell of the different air. I could smell it before I saw or heard anything of India, even as I walked along the umbilical corridor that connected the plane to the airport. I was excited and delighted by it, in that first Bombay Minute, escaped from prison and new to the wide world , but I didn’t and couldn’t recognize it. I know now that it’s the sweet, sweating smell of hope, which is opposite of hate; and it’s the sour, stifled smell of greed, which is the opposite of love. It’s the smell of gods, demons, empires, and civilizations in resurrection and decay. It’s the blue skin smell of the sea, no matter where you are in the Island city, and the blood-metal smell of machines. It smells of the stir and sleep and waste of sixty billion animals, more than half of them humans and rats. It smells of heartbreak, and the struggle to live, and of crucial failures and loves that produce our courage. It smells of ten thousand restaurants, five thousand temples. Shrines, churches and mosques, and of hundred bazaars devoted exclusively to perfumes, spices, incense and freshly cut flower. Someone called it the worst good smell in the world. But whenever I return to Bombay, now, its my first sense of the city- that smell, above all things-that welcomes me and tells me I've come home.
The next thing I noticed was the heat. I stood in airport queues, not five minutes from the conditioned air of the plane, and my clothes clung to sudden sweat. My heart thumped under the command of the new climate. Each breath was an angry little victory. I came to know that it never stops, the jungle sweat, because heat that makes it, night and day, is wet heat. The choking humidity makes amphibians of us all, in Bombay breathing water in air; you learn to live with it, and you learn to like it, or you leave.
Then there were the people. Assamese, Jats, and Punjabis; people from Rajasthan, Bengal, and Tamil Nadu; from Pushkar, Cochin, and Konarak;warrior caste, Brahmin, and untouchable; Hindu, Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, Parsee, Jain, Animist; fair skin and dark, green eyes and golden brown and black; every face and form of that extravagant variety, that incomparable beauty, India".
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I miss you-Mumbai! Miss you India!
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