To Go or Not to Go- Pratibha Kamerkar

Our marriage was a quick one- chaat magni paat biha. Ashok got vacation approval only for few days, it wasn’t closer to December so he wasn’t able to combine the long weekends with his vacation. Within a few days of his arrival we were married, actually almost in a hurry and then he flew back. It was only then that the real rituals started-post marriage: visa, immigration and most of all constant reminders of "jaldi jaldi apne ghar jaana" (go to "your" home soon now) from closer relatives….all this only for few months. Even before I could think about their nagging suddenly I was on a plane and landed here, in our new rented apartment in US.

I had insisted on buying some high heels sandals, but as soon as I landed the extreme cold and slippery tiles in the airport both hit me. Nonetheless US was like a fantasy world. Beautiful broad roads, tall sparkling buildings, speedy expensive cars…..everything so perfect..just like a painting. No crowd, no smoke and no dust.

And my home..home was a single family rented apartment…wall to wall carpet. Big kitchen, big bedroom and everything included-washing machine, dishwasher, microwave, cooking range, oven. Everything was just perfect!

The very next day after I reached US, Ashok rejoined office. That evening I dressed up, got ready and was waiting anxiously for him to come home. I thought, he would definitely say, "Let me show you our new city, lets go out". But when Ashok got home, he was extremely tired, "Oh, dinner's not ready yet, come on now lets eat quickly, I am so hungry"-says Pratibha Kamerkar

"What? Dinner at 6.00 pm?" she wondered. But in this fantasy picture perfect place, this was the norm. Here you would find seashores but no butte wala bhaiya neither the sound of chana-kurmura-shengdana lo….There was beautiful greenery everywhere, at every corner there was a flowering plant but no sign of bhel puri.

Back home newly married couple would hold hands and go for a walk to a closeby park, chit chat, eat bhel, kulfi and come home. But here this did not seem possible.

No one would come to drop off bottle of milk in the morning. No bai will come to clean vessels. If I go out to buy vegetables, I wouldn’t recognize any vegetables in the mall. If I wanted a cup of milk or sugar I couldn’t go next door and ask. Milk would be purchased in a cardboard carton, which would then go directly in to the fridge, just like that. For nothing would you go to anybody nor would anybody come visit you, cause there werent any real neighbours here. All this suddenly zoomed in-says Pratibha Kamerkar

These were some of the very first experiences of a girl from a very small town in India. One who was used to eating food served in a steel plate, drinking water from a glass made of steel, sitting on the floor to eat together with her family. One who didn’t even know an electric stove existed. She experienced pitch silence through out the day. Every neighbor's door closed. She could hear sound of the cars leaving and entering garages,but that was about it, for most parts it was pin drop silence.

Back home, she lived in a big joint family, someone or the other would be constantly talking, Gandma would always be reading some stotra loudly, Mom would always be nagging the servant. In the morning Dad would loudly ask for his tiffin, next door Lata would call out Pratibha's name and Pratibha would run to the balcony. Lata would always be on time to reach college. There was just a wall separating Pratibha and Lata's home which she could easily hop across; and most importantly back home there were thick friends. For Pratibha who grew up in such an environment this was similar to a lonely cage…ofcourse made of gold. Neither was she familiar with the country nor the customs. Neither could she go out nor was there enough work at home to kill time. Moreover the climate seemed extremely weird. Stingy cold winds, lush, thick, big, dark trees everywhere and to add to that cloudy skies. It was all new to Pratibha, who had never seen a day go by without the sun shinning bright in the sky. And here during winter there would be days without any sign of sun. She was unfamiliar with this, with the surrounding, she tried to relate to all of it but yet there was nothing she could relate to.

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This is a glimpse of the first experience of Pratibha Kamerkar who migrated to US around 1950. She talks more about not being able to call her family due to the high phone charge and if at all they did manage to call home after saying "Everything is fine, I am happy here", she would start choking on her tears. The only means of communication with her family was through letters.

What did I feel after reading her experience? Did I relate to it? Did you relate to it?