Friday, March 27, 2009

Chat with GGadre on a Friday afternoon

I know the “Waiting” post is pending and I will get to it but before that just a while ago I and GGadre shared some conversation on chat and I just had to post it here. Why you ask? Coz one its hilarious and two remember you signed up for some nonsensical rant which might appear here from time to time. So here’s our mindless chat on a Friday afternoon:

Me: Jagjit Singh ka concert hai in seattle. Dekha kya?

GGadre: maaro usko pakadke (now let me tell you, GGadre is quite passionate about music and some of the following chat may not be advised to age group under 18)

Me: why re? hhehehe

GGadre: dhakka de do stage se (Yep she gets too expressive about such topics, don’t blame her :))

Me: whyeeeeee?

GGadre: goli se uda do saale ko (Yeah, this is almost off limits, but btw me and her its just our usual rant strategy, express till the other person gets the point and stops asking whyyyyyyy)

Me: whyyyyyyyyyy?

GGadre: just for the heck of it, dimaaagh mein baiththa hain @@#@!#!

Me: hehehe like Anoop Jalota (now this is part where we come together, combine our stress and lash it out on few select individuals, some days its artists, musicians, neighbors and today unfortunately its gazal singers, no offense really, its just the mood of the day)

GGadre: hahahahhahaahahah

Me: or was he (as usual I am quite unsure of who we are going to lash)

GGadre: Anoop jalota, "aisi laagi lagan"

Me: chandi jaisa rang hai tera -woh kon tha be? Hehehe (like I said, I am still evaluating our stress buster individual)

GGadre: "meera ho gayi magan"

Me: yeah yeah hahahah

GGadre: abbe woh Pankaj Udhas hain (Now when it comes to music and musicians, GGadre knows what she’s talking, quite unlike me)

Me: Oh!

GGadre: udhas gaaata rehta hain…bore !@!#@#

Me:Pankaj… woh bhi kaisa udas hai

GGadre: dimaagh mein dance karta hain woh bhangda

Me: Wht was tht his song? Gosh!

GGadre: ...Namak isq ka (Yeah, we usually digress to different topics, music and singers, which have no relation whatsoever to the person/people in question)

Me: btw Jagjit Singh is more abt pina and pilana. All songs are like- mujhe hosh mein nahi aana type. Very good for politicians.

GGadre: politiciaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnns
hahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhaha...uda do unko

Me: Pankaj Udas alomst has 1 pg dedicated on wiki. God!
And now I know his bro is Manhar Udas
It seems his older brother Manhar Udhas achieved some success as a Hindi playback singer in Bollywood movies.
Which song he sang man? i dont know a single one
oh i got his famous song PU's. Its -chitthi aayi hai aayi hai chitti aayi hai

GGadre: nooooooooooooooooooo that is pankaj udhaas, aunteshwari (Sometimes its important to include the abbreviations along with the full name)

Me: yeah in wiki

GGadre: you dont knwo anything (Me expression: Hmph!)

Me: yeah yeah PU. i dunno MUs song. Btw PU has received Padma Shri?

GGadre: nice

Me: hahahaha. I want one too. Yeah kya hai. Next who some cricketer is getting one right?

Ganga: shoot tem all blooody man! (Woah! I know, like I indicated not appropriate for 18yr and less)

And with this we digressed in to the realms of other singers and singing competition and such. For the fans of PU, this isn’t really any stance, just a way of lashing out our stress :) ,next time it may be Amitabh Bachaan he he..
Btw, have a g8 weekend!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


Scene 1: Waiting for response

Me asking: Are you waiting to get coffee?
Person responds: Well no, hmmm maybe I should. What do you think? Or wait, maybe high caffeine soft drink. OMG so many choices. I think I should get the orange one, but the blue one looks so good, look look there is a ginger one. Oh damm! I’ll just go for the coffee.

Scene 2: Waiting for parking

Reverse lights of car flickering, looks like I have a parking spot
Reverse light flickering…..flickering……flickering…car in reverse mode now….reverse…reverse..stop….again ahead. (Me:yawns, go away already) Car again in reverse….reverse…reverse (Me: looking in rear view mirror, annoyed face, 2 oh no 3 cars behind. Get out you!) Car stop…ahead…ahead..stop. Person gets out and leaves.
Me expression: Hmph!

Scene 3: Waiting-room in a clinic

Me: looking around, blaberring to self: just need a refill, refill, a refill la la la la. Someone sneezes…loudly (Me: whos it, whos it, such a loud sneeze, ewww no handkerchief,ewwww). Old lady sitting next to me smiles, pregnant women sitting opposite, moving hand on her tummy and seems to be chatting, front desk person gets up. (Me: call me, call me, me me me me). Front desk person sits down without calling anyone. Someone snores( Me: whos it,whos it, whos snoring, last chair, person dozing, yawns) Front desk person gets up and sits again. (Me: mumbling whats with this sit ups, go to the restroom if u want to)Pregnant women looking around panicked (Me: O man, not good, not good, someone help her, is she ok?) Front desk person gets up, looks at pregnant women, sits down. (Me looking at watch: 1 and half hr gone, phewwww)

Me asking front desk: hello, what about my refill?
Front desk person: Oh you just need a refill prescription?
Me: Yeah that’s what I said like an hr earlier and that’s what I wrote on that paper
FDP: Oh sorry about that, I don’t read those, just hand them to the doc
Me: So what abt the refill?
FDP: Hold on, I’ll just get it
Me thinking of some song: boomro boomro sham rang boomro. Man sneezes loudly again, pregnant women panicks. Me: Boomro boomro sham rang boomro
FDP returns with refill prescription

Post coming up: Contrast this with waiting in queues in India :)

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Chronicles of Ma

It looks like my blog is missing some humour, I scrolled through few earlier posts and the mood around here is growing serious. After talking of Mumbai I tried to think of something hilarious that happened during this week and then remembered SecondSight’s pretty please. So Chronicles of Ma it is, nothing more is ever funnier than discussion between Ma and me. So yday I called Ma, the usual daily call, the usual random talks of increase in the price of veggies, growing pollution, hopeless maids, growing population of cockroaches, steaming hot tea and such. But the highlight was ayurvedic and homeopathic medicines.

Ma: So you saw na that Pushkar Churan, good it is. Everyday eat one spoon full. Spoon must be full. And don’t complain. These young girls, will always argue, never listen.

Me: Ma, Ma, Maaaaa listen no, what you keep talking. Yeah I saw that, one in the red box na?

Ma: Red box, what red box, you must have put it away. You don’t even remember the name, its Pushkar churan. Pooo…shaaaa…kaar

Me (trying to not giggle): Yeah yeah correct, I have it here; no I didn’t put it away. Who makes this stuff? It’s like some company I don’t know and there is no expiry on this.

Ma: Expiry, you want expiry. It’s Ayurvedic, it’s like Haldi, nothing happens to it. You can keep it as long and there is no need to keep it as long if you take it every day. Now girl listen to me, you are going to take one spoon full everyday ok? No arguments

Me: OK Ma, I will. How are things going in India? Ma economy is so bad here; things just seem to be falling apart.

Ma: That is why you must pray daily. Do you recite Ramraksha strotra, Lakshmi stotra, Ganpati stotra, Hanuman stotra, Kuldevi stotra, Gajanan Maharaj stotra daily?

Me: What Ma, I only have an hour in a morning to get ready and go to work and I don’t think there is enough time to recite them.

Ma: Always argue, always. Ganpati is God of knowledge, don’t you need intelligene, buddi and wit to do your work, Ramraksha will protect you from all evil, Lakshmi is for salary, then don’t complain salary cut and this and that and Hanuman, well that’s for strength and also for protecting in addition to Ramraksha and Gajanan Maharaj is for a guru, every person should have a guru. And never forget Kuldevi, always pray to her. And then you complain economy and all. Every day you should pray, do namasmaran. Do you forget to watch all those serials and eat and breathe?

Me: Ma breathing is a natural process, how would I forget it, I don’t even do it consciously. And to survive one has to eat and serials Ma, that’s my lifeline, I can’t give up on those. You don’t know how Big Bang Theory works on stress.

Ma: Big Bang cheeee, what a name. At least some Indianized serials with culture and tradition you watch. Big Bang? What is that? Must be something weird. This young generation God help them. And about economy and job cuts they will go on and on. We have seen so many rainy days, all storm and rainy. And no luxuries like you all. We never complained and now this generation acts as if world is going to end only. Just thinking of tomorrow always, running running, no stopping, no standing and breathing. Then they want all success and money and everything and all that fast. And you remember that aunty (some aunts name I didn’t even remember), her dad’s cousins-sisters-son. He had lost a limb, but didn’t give up, didn’t have a big car or big house or anything but he lived for good 80 yrs and lived a happy life, even without one limb. And you young people will cry and complain, bad economy bad economy. And what about day after tomorrow, that’s going to come and you are still stuck on tomorrow and worries of tomorrow. Rama Rama!

Me (overwhelmed by the lecture and yet trying to gain ground): Ma Big Ban is a comedy. Anywho, now got to go to bed ok. Will call you tomorrow.

Ma:Ok ok, I also have lots of work now, full time talking to you and wasting time, you eat that Pushkar Churna and recite some stotras, timepass you do. Now before going to bed recite. And don’t read book in dim light, and wake up early- early to bed, early to rise. And think of good things. This maid everything wrong she does, they need to be always spoon fed. I have to only do everything.

Me: Ma , Maaaaaaaaa ok ok ok ok. Maid, new one? (Phone cuts) Wasn’t I still talking?

As I kept the phone I realized how simply she could make my worries seem stupid. There are always bigger problems out there but somehow its always the perception that matters. In this big world, all problems frankly are just tiny, its every individual who looks at them through a magnifier.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Mumbai meri jaan!

Has it ever happened to you that you bought a book and after reading a few pages (as few as first 2) fell in love with it? As if the book gripped you and wouldn’t let go, as if you knew this was something you were looking to read in a while, but couldn’t find anywhere. I brought Shantaram recently and that's what it feels like. I prefer not to directly pull text from a book but rather interpret it in my own words, in turn sharing what I feel about it. But the text in this book is so precise, so much on spot that I wouldn’t find better words.

I was born in Bombay (later named Mumbai). Every person has a different perception of the city- Bombay. There will be those who find it arrogant, those who find it magical, those who find it loathed with greed and some others who find it a city of dreams. For someone who is born in this city, I would say it’s a bit of all. Does this city have a soul of its own you ask? Yes, it’s a soul of 13,662,885 people combined. It’s the soul of a little girl who waits by the side of the road for light to turn red, when it does she runs to your cab and knocks on the window, shining her marvelous smile and puts on a grave act and yet it’s the soul of the same girl who runs back to a bunch of kids on the footpath when the light turns green, laughing, playing and simply happy- that sheer happiness which you keep looking at from the back window of the cab, till only a speck remains. It’s the soul of the hawker you haggle with whenever you purchase the veggies and it’s the soul of the same hawker who ensures to greet you everyday, even when you are in a hurry to get to work and don't notice. It’s the soul of those hands that hold you to get in the train compartment which has no space even for one foot to step in, protect you from a fall and it’s the same soul of the hands that push you ruthlessly when you reach the desired station to get out. It’s the soul of little kids who hold their grandparents hands and walk to school and it’s the soul of young teenagers, people in 20s-30s-40s who walk their parents, grandparents to the park in the evening. It’s the soul of the "chakki wala" who is bathed in white grinding all the grains to flour who smiles at you when go to get the "atta" (flour), showing his teeth which merge with the color of his skin, eyes, eyebrows, hair, eyelashes-all white and it’s the soul of the maid who realizes you are late to school/work and packs your lunch,puts it in your purse. Its the soul of Diwali, Ganpati, Eid, Holi,Chritmas,Navratri,Gudi Padwa,MakarSankranti,Pongal and its the soul of Shraddh (ceremony after death), Shanti.

You can either lose yourself or find yourself in Mumbai. You will be cheated, robbed, betrayed and yet loved, protected, cherished here. You will hate it for the crowd that crushes, pushes and squishes you everyday and yet love it for the hellos, nods and smiles you'll receive everyday. The stranger in you will disappear, the ambition in you will rise, the energy in you will push you to the extreme and the joy in you will survive. So friends today I post text straight from Shantaram, this one is for Mumbai- Mumbai meri jaan.
"The first thing I noticed about Bombay, on the first day, was the smell of the different air. I could smell it before I saw or heard anything of India, even as I walked along the umbilical corridor that connected the plane to the airport. I was excited and delighted by it, in that first Bombay Minute, escaped from prison and new to the wide world , but I didn’t and couldn’t recognize it. I know now that it’s the sweet, sweating smell of hope, which is opposite of hate; and it’s the sour, stifled smell of greed, which is the opposite of love. It’s the smell of gods, demons, empires, and civilizations in resurrection and decay. It’s the blue skin smell of the sea, no matter where you are in the Island city, and the blood-metal smell of machines. It smells of the stir and sleep and waste of sixty billion animals, more than half of them humans and rats. It smells of heartbreak, and the struggle to live, and of crucial failures and loves that produce our courage. It smells of ten thousand restaurants, five thousand temples. Shrines, churches and mosques, and of hundred bazaars devoted exclusively to perfumes, spices, incense and freshly cut flower. Someone called it the worst good smell in the world. But whenever I return to Bombay, now, its my first sense of the city- that smell, above all things-that welcomes me and tells me I've come home.

The next thing I noticed was the heat. I stood in airport queues, not five minutes from the conditioned air of the plane, and my clothes clung to sudden sweat. My heart thumped under the command of the new climate. Each breath was an angry little victory. I came to know that it never stops, the jungle sweat, because heat that makes it, night and day, is wet heat. The choking humidity makes amphibians of us all, in Bombay breathing water in air; you learn to live with it, and you learn to like it, or you leave.

Then there were the people. Assamese, Jats, and Punjabis; people from Rajasthan, Bengal, and Tamil Nadu; from Pushkar, Cochin, and Konarak;warrior caste, Brahmin, and untouchable; Hindu, Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, Parsee, Jain, Animist; fair skin and dark, green eyes and golden brown and black; every face and form of that extravagant variety, that incomparable beauty, India".


I miss you-Mumbai! Miss you India!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Chitter Chatter and a cup of hot tea

Pst pst… went to Safeway yday and saw the same old lady, so I turned, looked the other way and ran. She was ranting sure, but not about eggs this time.

Did you watch India vs errr umm what was that NZ? Think it was NZ, maybe, who cares right, as long as India is one side playing. No I didn’t watch the match either but then there was hubby glued to the laptop watching it and choiceless glimpses when crowd screamed "India India" resulted in we following the match in bits and parts. Sachin's 150 was the highlight for we. He still rocks. Then the match grew boring, he retired hurt yawns yawns!

Lost was good, Heroes sucked. And yday it snowed, I mean what the hell is going on. Isnt it spring already?

If by now the post hasn’t made you wrinkle your noses and nod in agreement, there is that damm time saving thing. We and hubby stayed up till 2 and then the time just jumped to 3.15 or something like that, we just time travelled ahead. I mean really, what's the reason to screw with time I ask? Just about when our body clock adjusts to the actual one, they go through this day light saving thingi and then eveything changes. Now I cant stop thinking that we'll have 1 hour less to sleep. Ok Ok maybe not but still sob sob!

5 bananas at home are rotting. Why am I telling you this you ask? Coz if we could celebrate holi, I may have found use for them ;).

(Dazing away) the good old times of filling water ballons with oil paint colors or some color which bro said wouldnt go for 3 days and throwing on helpless pedestrians from the building terrance.

Times of red, orange, green colors and trying to get rid of them coz tomorrow was school day.

Waking up early and going to cousins place, knocking on door asking for her to come out, ignoring her Ma's talks of no colors at home and painting sis dears face with bright orange.

Dodging the ballon attacks on way back home, looking angrily at the bulding and searcing for culprits in the windows. Swearing under the breath and yet smiling at self

(Flash!- back to reality) Ahem any recipes for bananas with brown spots all over. If Ma reads this post, she would call and give pravachan for over an hr explaining how ripen bananas are ok and should eat them. Btw spoke to Ma after 1 week yday, some voltage thingi burned the modem down. Now chat with Ma after a week totally deserves a separate post. Will tell y'all if you say pretty please he he or just demand and we shall post "Chronicles of Ma". Btw, she suspects latest Bai may have something to do with the voltage thingi which apparently affected the entire area not just our home. Rolling eyes!!

Btw, have you tried playing the new 3D PRINCE, oh its awesome. Like tv we and hubby are into games, online, 3D, kill them all kinds :)

I know I know, this wasn’t like my usual posts, but well on a Sunday nothing better than just chitter chatter and a cup of hot tea, isnt it?;)

Sunday, March 1, 2009

And why isn't Sunday followed by a Saturday I ask or who cares what the title is?

This week started with well, tired me. Yeah that's right, the usual chirpy self me was feeling extremely tired come Monday and reason being (according to hubby dear) chatting in my sleep which clearly indicated my brain not resting. Of course I completely rejected this notion. Me and talking, huh? Look, I know my sibling wakes up and walks in his sleep and I always had g8 fun teasing him about all this (sorry bro) but me talking, that's utterly impossible. Mostly coz its scary. God alone knows what kind of thoughts dwell in the deeps of my brain and imagine those just involuntarily being exposed. There will be talks of killing those on planet helium, and of planet earth being dominated by animals (I always wondered what would it would be like to be on the other side of the glass), meaning we being those animals caged in zoo and animals being us (like the age of apes or whatever that was). There will be massacre of politicians, thugs and terrorist. There will be cities of fairies, Disney characters and such.

That said I realize I do not have any control on chattering away in my dreams. Do you? If so, does it scare you? Is it coz we all have ghosts stored somewhere in our closets or are you just protecting your spirit (the subconscious mind in its purest form-the "you" only you want to keep for yourself and might not want to share ). Or is it just the fact that we for once are not in complete control?