Rural India- love it

I visited Goa recently, it still remains one of my fav destinations in India. Goa has too many childhood memories attached and each time I visit Goa it rekindles those memories. I managed to click some pictures inspite of the crazy schedule of visiting 100 temples with Ma dear (I can't wait to tell you all about it). But for now let the pictures tell the tale:

Mumbai- 2.5 years later

Different people told me different experiences upon visiting India- sounds, smells, food, pollution, population and so on. Well, for me 2.5 yrs later Mumbai still looks and feels the same. As soon as the plane landed I had thousands of thoughts flying through my brain, the 18 hrs travel exhaustion was completely replaced by enthusiam. Mumbai welcomed me with familiar smells and sounds. The smell of several kinds of foods, oils, smell of burning plastic, high humidity and of sounds- loads of people all talking at the same time, cars honking, hawkers calling, birds screeching….its all just the same…its home.

I walked out of the airport and saw atleast 200 people waiting there to receive someone. I smiled to myself. Meeting parents was a complete different experience, usually I would walk to them and touch their feet but as soon as I saw them, I ran and hugged them.

What has changed?
-Traffic has grown a thousand fold. Distances have remained the same but the travel time has immensely increased inspite of all the multiple flyovers and road widening done. Average time: Dadar to Chembur 2 hours. No kidding.

-The traffic and pollution seems to take a toll on the common man. Walking around, in newly constructed malls, I find more people snap at each other. Annoyed.

-Driving has gone crazy. It’s like a crazy car race, with the one who can dodge multiple vehicles and people wins. People simply cross the highways and roads without looking on either side. Btw, I actually saw 2 people on a bike carrying a goat.

So today I wanted to cross off riding my two-wheeler and I did, I had to relearn some basics.

-About 100 people will be walking in the middle of the road and you have to dodge them, not to mention the cats, dogs even some lazy pigeons who obviously think they own the road

-If you run into someone pretend as if the other person is at fault. “Dikhta nahi kya, thik se chalo na” and move on after some bickering

-Don’t worry if you meet a neighbor, acquaintance, friend or anyone who talks to you. Just park in the middle of the road and starting talking. If someone honks just indicate them to drive ahead “Bhaiya thoda baju se nikal jao”

-Btw, helmet fine is Rs 500, so unless you have enough time on hand to start a discussion about Mumbai Police bravery with the cop don’t try to leave without a helmet.

-Catch up on all missed opportunities to honk. In US, I fear that honking may scare the person ahead who may eventually drive in reverse and damage my car. Here you can honk at leisure, at people, animals, or simply at no one.

-And you really don’t need to travel all the way to Disneyland or any other park, simply ride through the potholes. You will find about 10 on each street.

That’s the tale of bike riding. More stuff coming up.

Bai Famine!!

I need to burp out this sales call issue which seem to be hovering in my brain. I totally understand the pressure of sales targets and all the so called cold sales callers go through to achieve them. I totally sympathize with them but then again the calls I receive, they are unforgivably barbaric. The point is, these merciless cold callers seem to somehow manage to obtain the number and blast a series of calls trying to sell anything right from office supplies to financial products to some stupid directories, was it nail clipper last time? Oh don't ask, it could be anything on the face of this planet. And the worst part is they try to con you. Yeah I said CON!! The same caller calls 5 times a day trying to sell the same product, changing his accent, tone, style sometimes he even tries to cough or sneeze or choke creating a different tone and voice. Ridiculous, isn’t it? But well the deal we have at my office is not to be rude to anyone who calls; it's like a karma issue I guess. So I try to calm myself by counting from 1 to 10 and trying not to focus on anything the salesmen is saying by focusing on replying to my emails.

On another note, I was thinking about maids in India, who doesn't think about them when you are trapped in a bai famine country. I declared Bai's whether its Sitabai, Savitribai, Moushi or Simply Plain Bai as one of the most valued assets when i moved to US. I remember at least 10 Bai's if not less who were employed by my mum. Their interviews were conducted solely by my Ma and the sessions were quite grueling. Grueling for me I say, neither for my Ma nor for the Bai but definitely for me. The most important decision making factor would be the salary and our Bai Candidate would simply turn out to be a no show on the very first day if it weren't for industry standard salary which meant same or more than her other employers or our neighbors. Ma would try to evaluate her on various parameters as in whether she would steal, cleanliness, argue, ask for raise, gossip with neighbors (meaning definitely tell us about them but not tell them about us) and of course how many times she would WFH (Dandi marne as we call in Marathi). So each one of the 10 Bai's have left a memory which makes me smile.

Savitribai (Not Phule, just our maid) used to constantly eat mawa or tambaku (tobacco), which meant visiting the sink to spit a thousand times while she did all the chores. Though she claimed to have cleaned the sink daily, the stains of her incessantly tambaku eating reflected on the sink. Savitribai was fired the day my dad logged a complaint to Ma.

Then came Moushi, I don't even know why I called her Moushi. She was definitely the award winner Bai. Why?? Coz in a few days of employment she managed to terrify my mother. I believe she had some sort of schizophrenic personality (disorder). She used to talk to herself while she swept bedroom. Initially it began by mumbling to herself but then later she was talking full volume. She was fired for the doubt of stealing my Ma's wrist watch (which has been one of Ma's all time favorite firing strategies).

And yeah how can I forget Kamla Bai, she was the one who always managed to flood the passage between kitchen and bedroom where we put clothes on wires for drying. How? Simple, never used to wring them. Get the clothes fresh out of a bucket of water and throw them on the wire. Water would drip till the entire passage was flooded. Ma, fired her went one day when Ma slipped in that passage and barely managed to grab the door before she could fall with a thud.

Kamla Bai left the job soon after that unable to cope with the constant nagging. Another unique character was Luckshumi (Laxmi really!! But that's how she took pride in calling herself). Luckshumi bai had a thing about tv serial especially the Saas Bahu ones. Ask her about any serial, the characters (not real names but serial names), their costumes, accents. Instantly she would turn into that character herself and mimic the character. It was quite disturbing to watch her perform I tell you. But anyways she was some character. She believed she had sinned in her previous life and hence ended up being a Bai else she would definitely be in the league of krishmas and kareenas of Bollywood. Most of the time I would find her day dreaming. She quit hoping to join Bollywood.

Then came Vimla Bai, she was a narimukti person. While all Bai’s before her had complained of being beaten up by drunken husbands. She on the other hand used to come home and inform that she managed to give two punches to her husband for getting drunk. I have a feeling she knew karate. Her husband Ramu washed all the cars in building. Was an extremely skinny guy. I don’t remember why she quit or guess she is still there.

Does all this mean its better not to have a Bai? Ofcourse not. I still remember Sunita, Anita and Sulekha who were so good at their jobs. Knew what we liked to eat, knew that the collars of shirts need to be brushed, the ironed clothes need to kept carefully and who somehow never felt like Bai’s. Really all I need is this Bai Famine time to end...can Bai's be outsourced here??

Tring Tring : India Calling

I religiously call my parents daily. For last few weeks I have been terribly missing those high pitched, all instructional conversations. I feel totally undisciplined, like a kid whose parents have gone on a vacation for a whole week and before leaving told him/her how to and how not to behave. The kid nods with his face hanging and agrees undoubtedly, wickedly dreaming of the moment when his parents would leave. So while I was thinking of what is it, that I have been missing for 2 weeks now, I thought of the conversations. Here they are one sided, I am sure you will be able to analyze the other persons response/questions.

1. Me: Hello, hellowwwwww can u hear me….ok ok don't speak when I am speaking, you override my words Ma, helllowwww again…(ohh god I am screaming). What would my neighbors think? Who cares? Ma shhhh listen..Ok you can hear me now. Remind yourself to stick to this pitch for the rest of the conversation. Do you want to go through the test cycle again? So just stick with the pitch.

2. Always and I seriously mean always remind the person that your and his/her time zones differ: Ma,how would I go to work now…I just came back..yeah yeah I know you know, it's still yesterday here no Ma. Hmmmm, Ma I got it, I know you have all these tons of things to do today, don't run me through the list no.Ohh okie which servant are you talking to, listen Ma...errr….ok I will hold…stop talking to 3 people at the same time Ma. Is dad going to office..wait….WAIT Ma…. I wanted..uh huh..okie holding..yeah still holding…MOM ITS 11.30pm…ohhh okie who died? That's the guy in soap opera.. Ma..ITS NOT EVEN REAL..my job is real no Ma and I don't want my manager to fire me….no I don't always complain…which bhaji wali…which aunt..what are you saying…

3. Prepare for unsolicited lengthy advice for EVERYTHING: Ma I cooked that veggie 15 times now…I like it this way only…what??why??Olive oil is good. No it doesn't kill. Who told you that? Humus is made of chickpeas. Why not? It tastes good. Yeah take less time to prepare. No that's not the reason I make it. No, I don't want to run laundry daily. No, I haven't washed the bedsheets this month. What sweeping?? I use vacuum cleaner. No there are no floors…yawns!! Mommy I told you before....carpets…why?? We need no carpets..its cold no here. Ok when you come you will see. Ok I will tell dad. I will tell that aunt. Ok I will call aunts sisters cousin sons brother. Ok I will wish him for his new born. What? They don't live here no Ma..that's California Ma this is Seattle…Ma its miles away…distance is in miles here no….no Ma I don't know the kms…no I can't drive there on weekends…ok I will call her.

4. Being in shape is your worry, don't even try to turn your Mom/Dad into your personal trainer: Yes Ma..errr…I don't have that much time no Ma. What? Ma its freaking cold at 5.00am. No I don't get up before 12 on Saturdays. Hmmm. No, it’s not bad. Okhay Ma I will do yoga…yeah Ma everyday. Ma I know how to do shravasan, vajrasan, mrugasan or whichever asan (yoga poses), no Ma please don't tell me how to do them. I really know it Ma. Ma I went to yoga classes for 2 years no. Okhay, I know you know it better. Okhay, yeah I am listening. Yeah I know it's important. No Ma, nonveg apparently does not have any co-relation to weight Ma (Self: You freak, now face the music). Okhay I will reduce non veg intake. Okhay Ma.

5. Don't discuss CLIMATE: Yeah it’s still cold here no Ma. What hoodie? No we have hoodies.Ma hoodies cover ears. No, it doesn't look funny?? Hellllowwwwww…hello…can you hear me?? (Oh god why did I change the pitch scale) Ok yeah yeah stop it…I can hear you now…no nothing is happening to me…I am ok.sorry.

6. And seriously keep away from Tarla Dalal or any such recipe episodes: No Ma I don't want to know your 55th version of that vegetable. Tell me the one daddy likes. Which recipe book? No I never looked at that. Ok I lost it. I shifted house Ma, I don't know where it is. Ma tell me the recipe. Errr ok you told me to learn to cook. Yeah. Ma I had exams…okhay not all the time. Forget it Ma, I will look up the recipe online. Hellowwww, hello ma…MAA…Which soap opera??? Okie. Will call you tomorrow. Hello, hello….Looks like she hung up on me again. Whushhhh whts the time. Its 1 am Oh god.

Doesn't end here, does it?

Conscience: Arent you going to call ur father, you never spoke to him?

Me: Yawns!! More Yaws!!! It's 1 already. Can I call him tomorrow? I am totally drained? Its fair…yeah it’s totally fair.

Conscience: Then why call to choose your mum first?

Me: OKIE!!! I will call.

I guess the conversations with dad should be another post? What say? But anyways what are you thinking right now??

Me, I am just thinking: There's days you miss home and there's days you miss home