I religiously call my parents daily. For last few weeks I have been terribly missing those high pitched, all instructional conversations. I feel totally undisciplined, like a kid whose parents have gone on a vacation for a whole week and before leaving told him/her how to and how not to behave. The kid nods with his face hanging and agrees undoubtedly, wickedly dreaming of the moment when his parents would leave. So while I was thinking of what is it, that I have been missing for 2 weeks now, I thought of the conversations. Here they are one sided, I am sure you will be able to analyze the other persons response/questions.
1. Me: Hello, hellowwwwww can u hear me….ok ok don't speak when I am speaking, you override my words Ma, helllowwww again…(ohh god I am screaming). What would my neighbors think? Who cares? Ma shhhh listen..Ok you can hear me now. Remind yourself to stick to this pitch for the rest of the conversation. Do you want to go through the test cycle again? So just stick with the pitch.
2. Always and I seriously mean always remind the person that your and his/her time zones differ: Ma,how would I go to work now…I just came back..yeah yeah I know you know, it's still yesterday here no Ma. Hmmmm, Ma I got it, I know you have all these tons of things to do today, don't run me through the list no.Ohh okie which servant are you talking to, listen Ma...errr….ok I will hold…stop talking to 3 people at the same time Ma. Is dad going to office..wait….WAIT Ma…. I wanted..uh huh..okie holding..yeah still holding…MOM ITS 11.30pm…ohhh okie who died? That's the guy in soap opera.. Ma..ITS NOT EVEN REAL..my job is real no Ma and I don't want my manager to fire me….no I don't always complain…which bhaji wali…which aunt..what are you saying…
3. Prepare for unsolicited lengthy advice for EVERYTHING: Ma I cooked that veggie 15 times now…I like it this way only…what??why??Olive oil is good. No it doesn't kill. Who told you that? Humus is made of chickpeas. Why not? It tastes good. Yeah take less time to prepare. No that's not the reason I make it. No, I don't want to run laundry daily. No, I haven't washed the bedsheets this month. What sweeping?? I use vacuum cleaner. No there are no floors…yawns!! Mommy I told you before....carpets…why?? We need no carpets..its cold no here. Ok when you come you will see. Ok I will tell dad. I will tell that aunt. Ok I will call aunts sisters cousin sons brother. Ok I will wish him for his new born. What? They don't live here no Ma..that's California Ma this is Seattle…Ma its miles away…distance is in miles here no….no Ma I don't know the kms…no I can't drive there on weekends…ok I will call her.
4. Being in shape is your worry, don't even try to turn your Mom/Dad into your personal trainer: Yes Ma..errr…I don't have that much time no Ma. What? Ma its freaking cold at 5.00am. No I don't get up before 12 on Saturdays. Hmmm. No, it’s not bad. Okhay Ma I will do yoga…yeah Ma everyday. Ma I know how to do shravasan, vajrasan, mrugasan or whichever asan (yoga poses), no Ma please don't tell me how to do them. I really know it Ma. Ma I went to yoga classes for 2 years no. Okhay, I know you know it better. Okhay, yeah I am listening. Yeah I know it's important. No Ma, nonveg apparently does not have any co-relation to weight Ma (Self: You freak, now face the music). Okhay I will reduce non veg intake. Okhay Ma.
5. Don't discuss CLIMATE: Yeah it’s still cold here no Ma. What hoodie? No we have hoodies.Ma hoodies cover ears. No, it doesn't look funny?? Hellllowwwwww…hello…can you hear me?? (Oh god why did I change the pitch scale) Ok yeah yeah stop it…I can hear you now…no nothing is happening to me…I am ok.sorry.
6. And seriously keep away from Tarla Dalal or any such recipe episodes: No Ma I don't want to know your 55th version of that vegetable. Tell me the one daddy likes. Which recipe book? No I never looked at that. Ok I lost it. I shifted house Ma, I don't know where it is. Ma tell me the recipe. Errr ok you told me to learn to cook. Yeah. Ma I had exams…okhay not all the time. Forget it Ma, I will look up the recipe online. Hellowwww, hello ma…MAA…Which soap opera??? Okie. Will call you tomorrow. Hello, hello….Looks like she hung up on me again. Whushhhh whts the time. Its 1 am Oh god.
Doesn't end here, does it?
Conscience: Arent you going to call ur father, you never spoke to him?
Me: Yawns!! More Yaws!!! It's 1 already. Can I call him tomorrow? I am totally drained? Its fair…yeah it’s totally fair.
Conscience: Then why call to choose your mum first?
Me: OKIE!!! I will call.
I guess the conversations with dad should be another post? What say? But anyways what are you thinking right now??
Me, I am just thinking: There's days you miss home and there's days you miss home
1. Me: Hello, hellowwwwww can u hear me….ok ok don't speak when I am speaking, you override my words Ma, helllowwww again…(ohh god I am screaming). What would my neighbors think? Who cares? Ma shhhh listen..Ok you can hear me now. Remind yourself to stick to this pitch for the rest of the conversation. Do you want to go through the test cycle again? So just stick with the pitch.
2. Always and I seriously mean always remind the person that your and his/her time zones differ: Ma,how would I go to work now…I just came back..yeah yeah I know you know, it's still yesterday here no Ma. Hmmmm, Ma I got it, I know you have all these tons of things to do today, don't run me through the list no.Ohh okie which servant are you talking to, listen Ma...errr….ok I will hold…stop talking to 3 people at the same time Ma. Is dad going to office..wait….WAIT Ma…. I wanted..uh huh..okie holding..yeah still holding…MOM ITS 11.30pm…ohhh okie who died? That's the guy in soap opera.. Ma..ITS NOT EVEN REAL..my job is real no Ma and I don't want my manager to fire me….no I don't always complain…which bhaji wali…which aunt..what are you saying…
3. Prepare for unsolicited lengthy advice for EVERYTHING: Ma I cooked that veggie 15 times now…I like it this way only…what??why??Olive oil is good. No it doesn't kill. Who told you that? Humus is made of chickpeas. Why not? It tastes good. Yeah take less time to prepare. No that's not the reason I make it. No, I don't want to run laundry daily. No, I haven't washed the bedsheets this month. What sweeping?? I use vacuum cleaner. No there are no floors…yawns!! Mommy I told you before....carpets…why?? We need no carpets..its cold no here. Ok when you come you will see. Ok I will tell dad. I will tell that aunt. Ok I will call aunts sisters cousin sons brother. Ok I will wish him for his new born. What? They don't live here no Ma..that's California Ma this is Seattle…Ma its miles away…distance is in miles here no….no Ma I don't know the kms…no I can't drive there on weekends…ok I will call her.
4. Being in shape is your worry, don't even try to turn your Mom/Dad into your personal trainer: Yes Ma..errr…I don't have that much time no Ma. What? Ma its freaking cold at 5.00am. No I don't get up before 12 on Saturdays. Hmmm. No, it’s not bad. Okhay Ma I will do yoga…yeah Ma everyday. Ma I know how to do shravasan, vajrasan, mrugasan or whichever asan (yoga poses), no Ma please don't tell me how to do them. I really know it Ma. Ma I went to yoga classes for 2 years no. Okhay, I know you know it better. Okhay, yeah I am listening. Yeah I know it's important. No Ma, nonveg apparently does not have any co-relation to weight Ma (Self: You freak, now face the music). Okhay I will reduce non veg intake. Okhay Ma.
5. Don't discuss CLIMATE: Yeah it’s still cold here no Ma. What hoodie? No we have hoodies.Ma hoodies cover ears. No, it doesn't look funny?? Hellllowwwwww…hello…can you hear me?? (Oh god why did I change the pitch scale) Ok yeah yeah stop it…I can hear you now…no nothing is happening to me…I am ok.sorry.
6. And seriously keep away from Tarla Dalal or any such recipe episodes: No Ma I don't want to know your 55th version of that vegetable. Tell me the one daddy likes. Which recipe book? No I never looked at that. Ok I lost it. I shifted house Ma, I don't know where it is. Ma tell me the recipe. Errr ok you told me to learn to cook. Yeah. Ma I had exams…okhay not all the time. Forget it Ma, I will look up the recipe online. Hellowwww, hello ma…MAA…Which soap opera??? Okie. Will call you tomorrow. Hello, hello….Looks like she hung up on me again. Whushhhh whts the time. Its 1 am Oh god.
Doesn't end here, does it?
Conscience: Arent you going to call ur father, you never spoke to him?
Me: Yawns!! More Yaws!!! It's 1 already. Can I call him tomorrow? I am totally drained? Its fair…yeah it’s totally fair.
Conscience: Then why call to choose your mum first?
Me: OKIE!!! I will call.
I guess the conversations with dad should be another post? What say? But anyways what are you thinking right now??
Me, I am just thinking: There's days you miss home and there's days you miss home
1 comment:
Hey Gurl..
This is a blog that honestly gives me a feeling 'its happens to me too!'. Good job at capturing the silly lives that we sometimes end up leading abroad.
It could be a feeling of disconnect or our defense mechanism againt the lonliness that tends to creep up onto you in a foreign country.
That said I am waiting for the IN-LAWS series..for laughs and some soul food
Ishita
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